Saturday, 15 February 2014

HALLMARK'S REJECTED VALENTINE'S CARDS



Roses are red,
Hydrangeas are aquamarine.
If you’re looking to turn me on,
Try running the washing machine.



Roses are red,
Fuschias are magenta.
If only like Jaime Oliver,
You could sauté up some polenta.
 

 
Roses are red,
Tree bark is tan.
Ok, so maybe I talk a lot and a lot and a lot and a lot,
But what’s up with your attention span?

Roses are red,
The wings of the Ara glaucogularis(??) are teal.
Suppose this year you remembered our anniversary,
Seriously, what’s the big deal?
 

Roses are red,
Fluffy Labrador puppies are golden.
If you’re seeking a new form of foreplay,
Just show me the laundry that’s folden.
 

Roses are red,
Our dried out lawn’s an odd hue of chartreuse.
If you’re hoping I’ll excitedly kiss you,
Maybe don’t come home reeking of booze.

Roses are red,
Pea soup’s a light shade of pistachio.
Unless you’re auditioning for the role of Rhett Butler,
Think about shaving off your mustachio.
 

Roses are red,
Lilacs are purple.
This stanza’s duller,
(‘Cause nothing rhymes with that color…)
 

Roses are red,
Adam Levine is maroon.
You sure are a regular prince charming,
On the couch, scratching like a baboon.
 

  Roses are red,
Before she died, Bambi’s mother was taupe.
Honestly when I’m bloated and so damn tired.
I’m really not looking for a late night grope.
 

Roses are red,
Those beans are white; they’re not really navy,
But look baby, don’t be judging me,
When I order poutine with extra gravy.
 

Roses are red,
Overcooked asparagus is khaki.

Somehow in the end I just love you,
Maybe ‘cause like me, you’re also kind of wacky.
 


3 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh---this is priceless.....did you make these up? You really do have a future as a comic writer....Such fun! Thanks Maia!

    ReplyDelete